The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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