Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
