Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
