Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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