so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
