Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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