Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
