He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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