yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
