piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
