I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize