My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
