my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
