He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i will never coherently bang her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
