i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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