the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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