i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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