After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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