Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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