At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
