Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
