people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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