Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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