ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
