You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
