Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
