he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
