Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
