i think i recognize dicks better than faces
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
