remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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