i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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