I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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