look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize