chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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