I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
