His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
