i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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