Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
