We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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