I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
