I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
