I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
