She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
