he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
