I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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