So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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