Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
