every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
