You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
