areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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