There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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