He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
