I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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