I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
