I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
