I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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