Say something about gay babies.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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