When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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