____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
