no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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