3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
