Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
