I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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