I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
