So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I died a long time ago.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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