I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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