i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
bring money and cleavage
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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