Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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