I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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