Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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