Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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