this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
