my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
