Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
